Funny Jokes

[DoUJuana]

Feel free to put any funny jokes you've got in this thread :)

Here's one....

Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times" :eek:

:roll:

[herbgrower]

Sleeping Beauty,Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were sitting around a table having a couple of drink's.
The topic of conversation turned to how they should be recognised for their exceptional personal trait's.
Sleeping Beuaty for her ravishing look's,Tom Thumb for his incfedibly small size,and poor old Quasimodo for his extreme ugliness.
So,they decided to go to the Guiness Book of record's and be accredited for their uniqueness.
Sleeping Beauty goes into the record recording room and come's out ecstatic.
"Well,it's official boy's,I am the most beautiful woman in the world!!!" :D
Tom Thumb does the same thing,come's out with a grin from ear to ear,
"I am officially the smallest man in the world!!!" :cool2:
Quasimodo goes into the room and come's back real quick and very disappointed! :confused:
The other two ask him what's wrong,he look's at them and say's,
"Who the hell is Camilla Parker-Bowles???"
:D

[Mermaid]

Too funny DUj & Kiwi!! :roll:

OK here is a funny one my aunt told me the other day...

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl
named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.

"Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?".
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!".

The cop looked the bike over and handed the
girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to
put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there
sir, did Santa bring it to you?".

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the
dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

[marymaryquitecntrary]

good ones, guys! :roll:

i stole this from craig ferguson on the late late show ...

so if michael jackson and marilyn manson run into each other on the freeway, is that considered a freak accident?

[nobogart]

good ones, guys! :roll:

i stole this from craig ferguson on the late late show ...

so if michael jackson and marilyn manson run into each other on the freeway, is that considered a freak accident?


ABSOLUTLEY!

[joe_llama]

nice one bout the ladies........ Most of my jokes offend people :D :p
but I still have a favorite that I, nvm it would be mean

[herbgrower]

Q. Why are Michael Jackson's pant's so small ?
A. Because they aren't his.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper the ghost ?
A. One is pale and scare's kid's and the other is a friendly ghost.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a supermaket bag ?
A. One is white,made of plastic and should be kept away from small children.The other is used to hold grocerie's.

Q. How do u know when it's bed-time at Neverland Ranch ?
A. When the big hand touches the litttle hand.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing ?
A. The greyhound's wait for the hare's to come out.

Q. How do we know Michael is guilty ?
A. Several children have fingered him.

Q. What do Michael and homework have in common ?
A. Both are a pain in the arse.

FBI raided Michael Jacksons house.
They found class A drug's in his kitchen.
Class B drug's in his living room.
Clas 5C in his bedroom.

See McDonald's has released a new burger,called,"The McJackson",it consist's of a 40 year old piece of meat between two 5 year old bun's.


Hope i didn't offend too many Jacko fan's ! :D

:animbong:

[Nesta]

Haha :roll: all are very funny.
-Herby i think you are safe, does michael have anymore fans?

[herbgrower]

Q. Why do cowboy's alway's have shit in their moustache's?



A. Because they been looking for love in all the wrong place's ! :D