Long Lost Love......???

[theMD]

I was just reading that post about what you all look for in a mate, and every reply reminded me of my ex. I'm at home from school on a short break, and she and I have been hanging out for a few days since we rarely see each other these days. Tonight we watched Meet The Fockers (too funny).

Anyway, in high school we had everything listed in that thread, but moving away to different states for college made me think it would be best to end it after graduation. I assumed we'd be trying to hold on to a pathetic long-distance relationship because I had seen it with a couple of my good friends, and it was hell on them.

The first few times we saw each other after high school ended up getting us "back together" for, well, just a night or two. (For the slow and/or innocent members: we had sexual relations! :eek: ) She came to visit me once in NC, then the next year I transferred to a school in FL. We weren't in the same school or town, but being close enough to drive, I visited her a couple times. Basically we couldn't control ourselves and kept ending up in bed. It took nearly 3 years before we could sleep in the same apartment without sleeping together -- and only then because she was dating someone.

So back to the present, I think now I'm more attracted to her than before. It's incredibly difficult not to tell her how I feel because I'm certain she still wants me -- for the right reasons. Now, there are two big problems. First, we're both about to finish school, but she's going out of the country for an internship soon after I graduate so the distance will only grow. Second, I have little confidence in reading my own emotions concerning her. I can't figure out how genuine my feelings are. Is this just a simple case of missing an old love? Am I just feeling the need for another physical relationship? OR is it all about those pesky pheromones? God I hate how my mind never takes a break when I'm not high.

If you're still with me (sorry for the verbiage), then you might be able to help. Would it be wise for me to just let go of the past? I feel like I already broke this girl's heart once and then toyed with her emotions too many times since then. I couldn't live with myself if I broke her heart again, which only complicates things more. I mean, does that concern for her tell me that my feelings are genuine?

One more thing. She has a strange syndrome that causes her to date some of the worst guys. I'm sure everyone knows someone like that. Literally every guy she dated before or after me treated her like shit, and she knows it, but it just keeps happening. Now I'm not superstitious, nor do I believe in the one true soulmate theory, but ours was by far the best relationship either of us had until then and since then -- including the guy she was supposed to marry a couple years ago. I don't know if that makes any difference. It just keeps running through my head.

For those of you who can give me any advice at all, thank you very much in advance.
For the rest of you, sorry you wasted your time reading about my stupid love life. :lol:

[Mermaid]

Awwww Dood your story with her is heartbreaking & sweet at the same time. I think the distance is maybe a test of your love for her and she yours? Seems that even though you both have had all these miles between you it has not changed how you feel for one another. Just my opinion from what you stated and it prolly is best you tell her what you told all of us. Why not take the chance? Also tell her you do not wish to hurt her but express what you are feeling and see what she thinks. Love is so hard to find...the right mate and so on. I do believe in soulmates but then I am the hopeless romantic but seriously....do you want to live with the "what if"?
Now there is the thing about her going out of the country....hmmm? :rolleyes: Do you think what you feel for her is strong enough to also handle that too? Maybe if you both sat down and discussed all this you could come up with a plan or maybe rekindle what you had in H.S. when she returns. But do not let her leave without her knowing all these feelings you have. This way she knows the truth and also the fact you DON"T want to hurt her either. Honesty never hurts IMO and hey the distance really is the only reason you both broke up in the first place right? I say give it a chance and talk to her.
As far as her bad relationships with other men....I think most of us women can relate to that. I think it is sooo hard to find the right mate...or that unconditional spiritual and physical love. It is truly a gift if you do find it. ;)
I say go for it! Sit down and just tell her.......then you both can discuss what would be best for the both of you. Life is just too short and "real love" ...the over the ball park home run feelin, where all you do is think of them, butterflies and all that good stuff is so hard to find my frd and so why not take the chance to see. As you said you both have a real hard time refraining when you do see each other. Seems there is still that spark?? Must be for a reason and I am not so sure it is just the old feelings creeping up. I think you may not be sure but listen to you heart is all I can say. ;)

....what ever you decisde...good luck ! :animbong:

[rangerdanger]

Hey amigo.
I think the first thing to do is to talk it over with her.

On a piece of paper make 2 column's, + and -. List all the things you like about her on one side, all the things you don't like on the other.

Another thing I'd recommend is that, before you two make a serious commitment, live together for awhile (like a few months if possible). Because no matter how much you know someone, you can't really know them until you live with them.

[SD.]

MD Im not really an ass I just play one on the internet :bongdude: ... the wife and I(we) have been together for 10 years and we have no plans of splitting so that having been said our advice may help some.

When we met I was going to college and she was working as a waitress at a sports bar restaurant called Rudys. We hit it off immediately and it seemed like we had known each other for years despite the fact we had just met(good sign). We communicate far better than any relatonship either of us have had previous to meeting(another good sign). We arent afraid to apologize to each other when either one of us has acted like an ass toward the other nor are we afraid to compliment each other. We can live together and still wake up to say 'I love you' each morning(10 years later). We can compromise with each other and have no problems with putting the others needs before our own if it happens to be the right decision concerning the situation. We have ALOT of respect for one another and rarely if ever play head games. We do argue yes however 9 times out of 10 come to a positive solution together...

The point being this: 10 years ago I gave up college to be with this woman. She wanted to move to Colorado to be closer to here sick mother I liked the area but the biggest reason being I didnt want to lose her so we moved together. She was more important to me than school or most anything else at the time and still is...Question is do you feel the same about this woman? If not I'd say she isnt the one, you'll never let go of the ONE when you find her not for most anything. The one leaves you with no question in your mind of whether shes for you or not you just KNOW she is, period...

Best of luck.

[Tiberon]

Dood
To me it looks like your head over heels for the chick. I agree with jersey and to let her know how you feel. Just you saying that she picks the wrong guys shows that you care about her.
I pretty much new from the get go that I was gonna marry my ol lady. We did the seperation thing when I would be gone out fishin for a few months....but when I got back things were even better than when I left. Living with a mate can be a test. If things dont go well in the first few months...then its likely to go south.
Dood, I say tell her how ya feel, then listen to her response and go from there. If shes wishy washy, then sad to say...she might not be the one. But if shes obviosly googley over it and feels the same....there is somethin there.
About her relocating out of the country.....if things work out, would you consider going with her?
I wanted to stay fishin and my ol lady wanted to go to school in the big city. I knew I wanted to be with her still and I figured things would go south if I didnt go. So I agreed to move away to the city with her and fly back to do my fishin. We both met in the middle and it ended up working out for the both of us.

I hope things work out for ya dood....but it sounds to me like it a perfect boy meets chick story......id tell her how ya feel man.

[theMD]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I'll have to let this all sink in for at least another week before I decide what to do. My dad and I are going to Yosemite this week so now feels like a bad time to go out on a limb anyway. I've never lived with this girl, but another girl I dated lived with me for a summer (near the end of my first grow). Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it's possible to have too much sex, but that relationship was fairly empty outside of the bedroom. At least I learned a lesson from that experience. Hopefully in the future when/if I live with another girlfriend (maybe this one) I'll be able to control my addictive behavior and keep my raging hormones under control. :lol:

[marymaryquitecntrary]

you guys are so cute. ;)

[theMD]

Oh yeah, to clarify she's not moving out of the country for very long...just 3 months for an internship. It's in Canada so it would be cool to visit her since I've never been.

[Max Rockatansky]

Hey Dood
Just be honest with her and talk things over. I never did that till I met my G/F now. I went through women pretty quick and was not happy at all. Me and the Old lady now only have a few things in common, but we have been together for 8 years and get along great! I believe its becuase we are honest with one another.

Look at it this way, the worse thing that can happen is she says no. Talk to her hoping for the best and expecting the worst(no) and you wont be disaappointed, ya also might want to ask dad, he will know ya well enough to give ya an honest answer.

http://emoticons4u.informationalot.com/cool/cool33.gif

M R

[Bud Hungy]

Wow, I was a little surprised that you would say that kinda stuff here/online. You guys seem really close; for people on the interweb. :D I know you guys have known eachother at GK. How long have you guys known eachother?...Hopefully, I'll get to know you guys alittle better. :p